They're all married.

Caleb is Married.
Chad is Married.
Jordan is Married.
Justin is Married.
Kevin is Married.
Ned..was Married.
Adam is Married.
G is Married.
Christina is Engaged.
Hailey is almost Engaged.
All my X's are Married.
Johnny is about to get engaged.

I've been single since March '06.

I'm getting on a plane to Thailand to work my butt off after a really lonely month in Utah.

I'm not sad, not down, just, not sure what to feel.

I really, never like anyone. It's really really rare. A few times a year, maybe 2-3 times. And for some reason the second I realize I like them... they're over it.
Seriously, I'll have some girl chasing me, really crazy for me, and I'll be cautious and make sure we're still having fun, and trying to build our foundation. And right when I decide I really am into just her... it's over.

For example. Last month I met this girl Virginia. My friends Christina, Ross and Hailey said I might be a good match for her. She's really fun and outgoing, just turned 30, 6' tall and quite the looker. I called her up and she wanted to hang out. She would text me every day to go to the gym, and then to dinner then this and that. She was initiating everything. A week into it we went out on a Friday night. We walked through a park in Sugar House walked and talked. We broke into a Ferris wheel and sat there talking about the whole shebang. She really opened up to me. She kept staring at my lips and when I asked her about it she said that's what she does when she wants to kiss someone. I wasn't quite ready for that, but walking back to the car we had our arms around each other being really flirty. When I dropped her off that night she told me she was really having fun, and that she had no plans for the weekend, so if I want to do something call her up.


That night I went home and realized, I think I actually like her. I should give it a shot with her. I woke up Saturday morning and texted her to ask what she was up to. No answer. Next day I text her to see how she is. No answer. That night I call her just to make sure her phone was working...cuz ya know I don't want to be overbearing, but maaaaybe they didn't go through. (A few days before I had called her and her phone never registered it.) She didn't pick up so I left a message that said, "Ouch, your phone IS working." I haven't heard from her since I dropped her off at her door.

I didn't do anything, I didn't change anything. I went to sleep that night thinking, "I think I really like her". That's what ended it. And it's not the first time. So it's just... easier to not feel that way. I never want to feel the way I did spring '06, or Jan '07 ever ever ever again. Depressed because feels like a black hole of pain. Having someone not love you because they don't think you're good enough, or giving enough or really in love with them, when you'd give anything if only they wanted it; you ARE giving everything, and they aren't even recognizing it.

So, Johnny's getting married this year. I have no more best friends. Just, married friends.

My mom is worse than ever. She delusional-ly thinks that her house will magically clean itself, and or my sister will help/do her part in cleaning. Her landlord is walking through her house this week, and I'm afraid he's going to evict her. I spent $150 on 22 storage containers and filled half of them up making a lot of space in her house. She filled 3 up, and then proceeded to bury them so that you can't even tell they are there. I tried to get her jump started, but who knows what will happen.

Shelley is married. I went to her little wedding in Elko Nevada at the end of April. Her husband Greg has live in Grand daughters, so... I don't really have a place to stay in Boise anymore. I've been here a week, and I sleep on Johnny's couch in Meridian, and he's never even here. So a lonely month in Utah followed by a lonely week in Boise.

While I was living in Hong Kong, I had so many people keep in touch on facebook, and they told me they couldn't wait until I was home. I've been in USA 2 months now... and I've seen hardly anyone. Christina is engaged, so... as much as I missed her, she wasn't really even there anymore. And lots of girls that were like oh Jake, come home come home now! They're all totally MIA. Hum.


To top it off...one morning mid May.. about a month ago, I was running in my neighborhood (Well Craig's neighborhood, the guy I was staying with in Utah for the month of May) and out from this house comes a very tall pregnant lady walking to her car. I totally did a triple take as I realized it was Tinkerpan. I don't remember what I did, if I stopped running, or slowed down or sped up. I don't know if my heart stopped, raced, or ... I remember more about where the sun was just coming up over the mountains and the green in the trees... such a beautiful crisp morning...I just have amnesia about the whole thing, but moments later I was jogging and she drove by in a black car. She never saw me. I actually wasn't entirely sure it was her until I ran it through my mind to make certain. I mean... Her face looked like her... but this lady was PREGNANT! and I only knew she got married recently. No idea she was with child. Needless to say I couldn't believe I was staying just around the corner from where she lived and I spend the next 3 weeks avidly avoiding going anywhere near that direction.

One more year traveling the world, coming right up in less than 48 hours.