W Hotel X-mas part 2.

Worked at W hotel in Hong Kong for xmas with Angela Yip. It was ridiculous, but we made it hella fun and it was sooo worth it ;)

Dog Vs. Cat Diary

DOG DIARY

8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM – Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM – Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

CAT DIARY

Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies.’ I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

Inter racial attraction.

This is an interesting article about inter racial attraction. Published in 2008.

b]Columbia University[/b] -- with research and editing assistance from Harvard University, MIT, and Stanford University -- conducted a study on racial preferences in interracial dating. The study was conducted over a two-year period between 2004 and 2007, involving thousands of participants, and the latest draft of the report was published in "Racial Preferences in Dating" in May 2007. (Notes: The study is still on-going.)

The politically incorrect and bad news for Asians of both sexes is that Asians are rated the least physically attractive race, and that's especially true for Asian men, i.e., women of other races find Asian men the least attractive.

From the study:

"For male partners, our main finding is that Asians generally receive lower ratings than men of other races. In fact, when we run the regressions separately for each race, we find that even Asian women find white, black, and Hispanic men to be more attractive than Asian men."

The final analysis is that women have a stronger preference for dating within their own race than men, but men still have a preference for dating within their own race. The exception is Asian women who, on average, have no preference against dating white men.

The reason you see so many white male/Asian female couples is not because white men prefer Asian women (in fact they prefer black and Hispanic women over Asian women), but because Asian women like white men as much as they like men of their own race. On the other hand, women of other races view Asian men as the least desirable race, so Asian men have fewer opportunities to date interracially themselves.

"African-American women said yes about 30 percent less often to Hispanic men; about 45 percent less often to white men; about 65 percent less often to Asian men."

"White women said yes about 30 percent less often to black or Hispanic men, and about 65 percent less often to Asian men."

"Hispanic women said yes about 20 percent less often to black or white men, and 50 percent less often to Asian men."

"Asian women didn’t discriminate much by race (except for showing a very slight preference for Asian men over black or Hispanic men)."

"For equal success with an African-American woman, a Hispanic man needs to earn an extra $184,000; a white man needs to earn an additional $220,000."

"For equal success with a white woman, an African-American needs to earn an additional $154,000; a Hispanic man needs $77,000; an Asian needs $247,000."

"For equal success with a Hispanic woman, an African-American man needs to earn an additional $30,000; a white man needs to earn an additional $59,000."

"For equal success with an Asian woman, an African-American needs no additional income; a white man needs $24,000 less than average; a Hispanic man needs $28,000 more than average."

Speaking Languages

I just found a guy on the internet who posted a video on youtube of himself speaking 14 languages. I understood 6 of them, and wow, he was bad! ha ha. The others were like Hindi and swahili and vietnamese. I give him props for trying, but it makes me think, maybe I should do a video like that? All 12 ? Fluent? Hmmm. I like to keep it to myself, but I've never tried to do something like that before.

Don't shave to look older.

I had a casting today. It was funny because they wanted a guy between 35-40 years old to shoot a commercial about real Thai food. They told me that I need to look older so that if I get the part not to shave for 2 days before. I was like... is that what old guys do?! Not shave?!

People pass on the right.

It seems to me that most people, about 80% of the time pass people in front of them on the right. Even in countries that I've been to where the vehicle traffic goes the other way.

I hope that the insurgents in Iraq aren't just waiting around, getting strong and waiting until the US leaves to launch a massive attack.

I talk to cats!

S just about drove me crazy the other night as she was bored in her taxi and decided to call me. She went on to talk about how she can talk to cats for about 30 minutes. Wow. Sad to say, this relationship is slowing down. Not really ready to tolerate conversations like that.

Bangkok #5

I just landed in Bangkok last night. I'm up super early checking stocks. I've been reading about the Iran riots and the killing of Neda Soltan. I watched the video and it made me cry. To watch a person die right before my eyes, and know the reasons behind it. I've seen dead bodies before in Russia, but this had a completely different effect. The Iranian government stated that it is forbidden to mourn this woman or suffer grave consequences! What kind of government is that?! I hope people in our nation (America) stop with the oil conspiracy crap and Bush's agenda, and start recognizing people like Nancy Pelosi as kwacks and realize that though America makes mistakes, in our past dealings with countries, we have the ability to help others better their situation, and if we've meddled in the past to try and fix our wrongs. Sure, we meddled in Iran's past especially after WW2, but it isn't just about the US and what we want, it's about helping the humanitarian situation abroad. Germany and Italy never attacked us, but we fought because we knew what was right. Just imagine if Germany or Japan had won WW2?! Now Iran's government openly denies the holocaust... well, they have for years, and now look what they do to their protesters. The articles I've read on the oppression of those protesting is horrid. Could you imagine if people had been shot for protesting Bush's win over Gore or Kerry? It's pretty obvious to me that the vote was rigged in Iran, but even if it wasn't, I think those who were on the tipping point in their vote are realizing they shouldn't have kept the regime in by the way things are being handled now. And if the vote wasn't "rigged" undoubtedly there were many people in fear of voting against the regime, as you must put your name on the ballot for it to be valid. It's not anonymous voting, so voting for the "wrong" party could come back to bite you. Even if it's something as simple as wanting a decent job in the future, let alone loss of rights and death. I think the US has every right to step in. I think the whole world community is thinking it, but everyone looks at us because we are the ones with the most power. That's what they thought with Afghanistan and Iraq.

Famished..

I think it's funny when people start talking about what they ate that day, and when people try to out do each other with how little they ate. I only ate a bagel all day! Oh, I only ate half a carrot! I had one Cheerio!

Malaysia Pictures... Coming soon.

Similan Island Pictures... Coming soon.

Singapore Pictures Coming soon.

They're all married.

Caleb is Married.
Chad is Married.
Jordan is Married.
Justin is Married.
Kevin is Married.
Ned..was Married.
Adam is Married.
G is Married.
Christina is Engaged.
Hailey is almost Engaged.
All my X's are Married.
Johnny is about to get engaged.

I've been single since March '06.

I'm getting on a plane to Thailand to work my butt off after a really lonely month in Utah.

I'm not sad, not down, just, not sure what to feel.

I really, never like anyone. It's really really rare. A few times a year, maybe 2-3 times. And for some reason the second I realize I like them... they're over it.
Seriously, I'll have some girl chasing me, really crazy for me, and I'll be cautious and make sure we're still having fun, and trying to build our foundation. And right when I decide I really am into just her... it's over.

For example. Last month I met this girl Virginia. My friends Christina, Ross and Hailey said I might be a good match for her. She's really fun and outgoing, just turned 30, 6' tall and quite the looker. I called her up and she wanted to hang out. She would text me every day to go to the gym, and then to dinner then this and that. She was initiating everything. A week into it we went out on a Friday night. We walked through a park in Sugar House walked and talked. We broke into a Ferris wheel and sat there talking about the whole shebang. She really opened up to me. She kept staring at my lips and when I asked her about it she said that's what she does when she wants to kiss someone. I wasn't quite ready for that, but walking back to the car we had our arms around each other being really flirty. When I dropped her off that night she told me she was really having fun, and that she had no plans for the weekend, so if I want to do something call her up.


That night I went home and realized, I think I actually like her. I should give it a shot with her. I woke up Saturday morning and texted her to ask what she was up to. No answer. Next day I text her to see how she is. No answer. That night I call her just to make sure her phone was working...cuz ya know I don't want to be overbearing, but maaaaybe they didn't go through. (A few days before I had called her and her phone never registered it.) She didn't pick up so I left a message that said, "Ouch, your phone IS working." I haven't heard from her since I dropped her off at her door.

I didn't do anything, I didn't change anything. I went to sleep that night thinking, "I think I really like her". That's what ended it. And it's not the first time. So it's just... easier to not feel that way. I never want to feel the way I did spring '06, or Jan '07 ever ever ever again. Depressed because feels like a black hole of pain. Having someone not love you because they don't think you're good enough, or giving enough or really in love with them, when you'd give anything if only they wanted it; you ARE giving everything, and they aren't even recognizing it.

So, Johnny's getting married this year. I have no more best friends. Just, married friends.

My mom is worse than ever. She delusional-ly thinks that her house will magically clean itself, and or my sister will help/do her part in cleaning. Her landlord is walking through her house this week, and I'm afraid he's going to evict her. I spent $150 on 22 storage containers and filled half of them up making a lot of space in her house. She filled 3 up, and then proceeded to bury them so that you can't even tell they are there. I tried to get her jump started, but who knows what will happen.

Shelley is married. I went to her little wedding in Elko Nevada at the end of April. Her husband Greg has live in Grand daughters, so... I don't really have a place to stay in Boise anymore. I've been here a week, and I sleep on Johnny's couch in Meridian, and he's never even here. So a lonely month in Utah followed by a lonely week in Boise.

While I was living in Hong Kong, I had so many people keep in touch on facebook, and they told me they couldn't wait until I was home. I've been in USA 2 months now... and I've seen hardly anyone. Christina is engaged, so... as much as I missed her, she wasn't really even there anymore. And lots of girls that were like oh Jake, come home come home now! They're all totally MIA. Hum.


To top it off...one morning mid May.. about a month ago, I was running in my neighborhood (Well Craig's neighborhood, the guy I was staying with in Utah for the month of May) and out from this house comes a very tall pregnant lady walking to her car. I totally did a triple take as I realized it was Tinkerpan. I don't remember what I did, if I stopped running, or slowed down or sped up. I don't know if my heart stopped, raced, or ... I remember more about where the sun was just coming up over the mountains and the green in the trees... such a beautiful crisp morning...I just have amnesia about the whole thing, but moments later I was jogging and she drove by in a black car. She never saw me. I actually wasn't entirely sure it was her until I ran it through my mind to make certain. I mean... Her face looked like her... but this lady was PREGNANT! and I only knew she got married recently. No idea she was with child. Needless to say I couldn't believe I was staying just around the corner from where she lived and I spend the next 3 weeks avidly avoiding going anywhere near that direction.

One more year traveling the world, coming right up in less than 48 hours.

Lost Mission Memories

Since my Missionary Journals were lost to the storage place...

I was just thinking about how lonely it was to knock doors in Va-i with Elder Scott Raymond. Dirty. Decrepit. Rude, poor filthy people. Maybe it's time I go back. And take pictures of all these places. Hot. We worked so so so hard and never gave up. Ha ha, one day out there Elder Raymond was jumping over a puddle and slipped and completely fell in to a puddle of mud.

Once tracting with Elder Piper the rain came down in a flash flood and we had to hide in a podezhd. My mission was amazing. The feelings I had then compare to nothing else that can be imagined. Only my longing for Tinkerpan while I was in Egypt can come close to comparing.

Duhovka is not... Duhonvna. мы с моим другом представители церкви Иисуса Христа святых последних дней. Wow those were the days.

Thailand May '08

Some of these are Videos. Click on it to check them out.

Tinkerpan's Russia emails.

Found emails from Tinkerpan from 4 years ago. And I still hurt. Still can't open up and feel like I did about anyone else. I used up all my love on her.

Thailand Trip 2, Feb 2009

Dubai, Feb 2009

Ayuthaya Thailand. Feb 2009

Manila, Philippines Sept '08

Boracay, Philippines Sept '08

Hong Kong/Macau November 2008

Taiwan, Jan 2009

This article I read tonight really makes me worried for the future of Christian worship in the United States. From fox news website.

Found out Little miss C has been a little sketchy with her online business. Grrr. That's disappointing.

Obama and Doritos

I grew up in 7 states as a child. I've lived in several more since then. I've lived in 3 foreign countries all very different from each other. Russia, Egypt and China. I have known so many people, so many kinds of people, of innumerable persuasions. I consider my upbringing politically neutral. I went to a conservative college with liberal professors. But as I grow older, I can currently classify myself as a conservative American Republican. As with the new Miss USA/gay marriage scandal, I have felt countless times while talking to people who are obviously liberal, that my opinion doesn't count, that I am wrong, and that I am obviously an ignorant inbred hick white racist. As if somehow had I been born 1/4 each of Chinese, Hispanic, Black and East Indian my words would be credible. Why is it that white republicans are stereotyped as narcissistic racists? Even when my arguments as to why my political persuasion is what it is, are superior to those of my liberal colleagues.. I am given the brush off as wrong, and attacked for my beliefs. I join the conservative cause for many reasons, but the one strengthening me in my beliefs is the way the two sides treat each other. For the most part, the conservatives use fair, empathetic logic and arguments, while the liberals attack, name call, and use sarcasm to back themselves up. America was so focused on insuring our next president would be black, that they didn't put as much importance to his logic and arguments and plans as they should have. At a time when the economy is bleak, and numerous disastrously difficult obstacles are presented to us simultaneously I cannot say that we picked the right man for the job.
A liberal's typical reaction to this statement is "That's so ignorant and racist of you to say that a black man can't handle this job." That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying Obama was not the best choice Americans had placed in front of them. If Obama was white, would he have been elected? I honestly believe he wouldn't have been. People would have listened more to he arguments and logic, than to his face, his color and his repetitive "Hope and Change".
Obama used lobbyists to get himself to where he is. He made people believe that he would be their president. I don't think he is. He said what he needed to say to enough people to get elected. But even if he IS the president of the majority, speaking up for them, having their best intentions at heart... whose right is it to say that each and every one of the other candidates didn't. It's the liberals' right, because to them a white person obviously wouldn't have the people's agenda at heart. It's like this. There's a starving family, and they've been eating rice cakes for years. Someone comes along with a shopping basket full of food and tells them they can pick a food item from the cart. There are a whole bunch of food items, each one different. Some packages are bright and fancy and have attractive logos and slogans on them, but inside it's just some Doritos. Other packages less fancy, but the nutritional contents are amazing. The family has been wanting change, something different for so long, that the bright bag of Doritos catches their eye and they are ready to have their taste buds revived. They take no, or little time to glance at the nutritional value of the bag. In the process they skip over some amazing other food items because they have some similar coloring to the bags of rice cakes they've eaten for so long. There are several food items in the cart which taste great, are much more healthy and will sustain the family longer and happier than the bag of Doritos they chose. But alas, they chose the bag of Doritos, had a taste bug high, and then crashed as they were not filled sufficiently, were left hungry, and with arteries clogging and skin stretching. Then, when they feel maybe they didn't make the right choice, they justify it by saying the change was needed, we needed that refresher, a new nice taste in our mouths as short as it was. Things will work out in the end.

And now I'll be accosted for comparing Obama to a bag of flashy Doritos. Obama has said so many things, promised so many things, and then done another. Look at his so called non-existant lobbyist groups and interests groups. He's now doing their agenda. "Our president." Yeah right.

I came back from running all three dogs today, and one of them was sniffing my shoe for a long time. Made me wonder if she could see all the things I've seen, the places I've been. Thought it could make a pretty cool commercial.

The Grocery Store.

Why do I always find myself walking into a grocery store with the intent of just buying one or two or three things and leaving with a bunch? It wouldn't be so bad if I would get a basket as I'm walking into the store. Next thing I know I'm carrying milk by my pinky, juice and eggs under one arm, boxes of this and that under the other arm and until I actually look quite ridiculous. Today I did this, and I ended up being the second person in line. Yay, It's going to be quick! Not! The shortest line, and the guy was really a slow individual. At least 5 people went through each and every other line while I waited there with my milk dangling from my pinky. Grrr.

I'm just curious. What is the percentage of people who attempt or commit suicide who are considered obese.?

And what is the estimated number of killers at large in the US.

Back in America

I landed in USA last night after 1 and 1/2 years away. I did some pretty funny stuff to surprise people.

Alysheba

On Saturday May 2, 1987, I was a 6 1/2 year old boy living in Louisville Kentucky. Every year on the first Saturday of May the Kentucky Derby is run at Churchill Downs race track in Louisville. It is the first leg of the Triple Crown series of 3 horse races that span May and June. The 2nd race is the Preakness run in Baltimore, MD and the Belmont Stakes run in Elmont, NY. I was playing with my black Labrador "Bridie" when my mom asked me who I wanted to bet on to with the Kentucky derby. I think I was a bit confused and wasn't quite sure how it worked. She told me to pick a horse to win. So I said, I don't know any of the horses. She said, ok, pick a number and I'll tell you their names. I know I said 7 first, and my mom looked at the paper and said ok.. that is "Candi's Gold". I didn't like that, I think we went through 2 more horses and then I said "ok, how about #4?" She said "ok that's...Alysheba". I liked that name, so I Alysheba it is. My best friend at the time was Jobi. He was in first grade with me at the Bee Elementary school and lived kiddie corner from me. It was Saturday so of course we were going to play together. I hoped over 2 fences, first from my back yard into my neighbor's back yard, and then into Jobi's back yard. I remember Jobi's dad calling us in to gather around the TV to watch the derby. It was Louisville. The derby is in their blood, and ain't no son of his gonna miss it. I said, "I want Alysheba to win." Jobi's dad kinda chuckled and said that's an 8-1 horse son. Jobi's dad wanted the horse named "Bet Twice". Jobi just wanted the same horse his dad had money on. The race started and his dad was out of his chair screaming at the top of his lungs.. Bet Twice go go go! And I was rooting for Alysheba. "Bet Twice!" "Alysheba!" "go Bet Twice go!" It turned into Jobi and his Dad chanting "Bet Twice, Bet Twice" and me chanting "Alysheba, Alysheba." I was looking for the number 4 on the side of the horse since it was really hard to see and every time I saw it, it was almost at the back, but Bet Twice was almost at the front. The race is 2 minutes long, so after the first minute I thought, oh well, I like you anyway Alysheba. The announcer kept saying "here comes Bet Twice" and I was happy for Jobi that his horse might win. Then the announcer said" here comes Alysheba!" "Down the stretch it's Bet Twice and Alysheba!" There they were, our 2 horses neck and neck. Finally the finish and Alysheba won. I was elated, and Jobi's dad was furious. As a 6 year old I felt pretty cool that day. I think Jobi's dad thought I jinxed him. I picked the winning horse. The thing that spawned that memory is I just found out Alysheba died today at age 25.

I had to do a little research to make sure the dates were right, but I noticed that Gary Stevens, the famous jockey from Caldwell Idaho also ran in that race.

Korean Actress Suicide.

In January I was in the filming of a now insanely popular Korean Drama called "Boys over Flowers"which is being aired throughout all of Asia. People recognize me sometimes in different places I go. I became friends with the girls of the drama because they could get by in English. The guys couldn't speak any. The guys are actually the biggest stars in Korea. But today I found out that one of the girls in the show commited suicide last week. It's so crazy! She was this huge rising star and she just snuffed herself out. I was with her talking to her helping her to play her role, and now she's just history. Her name is Jung Ja Yeon. Here is an article I found of her and what happened.
Korean Actress

And here.

Korean Singer

Today I met Korean Singer Kim Hyun Jung. She's cute, nice and I looked her up on Youtube. She's not bad!

"Abodijinals"

I think it's so funny to ask people from Australia about their "abodijinals".. he he. It gets quite the response. Especially when they correct me and say.. "you mean aboriginals..." I say "yeah, like I said.. abodijinals..". "no no... it's aboriginals!" "Ok ok right. So tell me something about the abodijinals..." And they crack up. They probably think I'm deaf and or an idiot... but we know the joke's on them ;) I met some indian people the other day. I asked where they're from thinking they would say India, or a city in India. But no. They said, "we're from Australia", in that thick Twinky Mart Indian accent no less. "Oooooh... you're from Australia huh?... You must be abodijinals then!" They didn't think it was funny. In fact, they didn't even know what I was talking about. Oh well.

Bangkok #2&3

Way too much to write about. I'll start with topics to get back to.

The last 2 weeks I spent in Bangkok, and Dubai.

I was in Taiwan Sunday Jan 11, to Tuesday Jan 13.
In Singapore Friday Jan 16, to Monday Jan 19.

Battling Deaf Mutes.

Because of the whole storage fiasco, I lost my mission journal and feel I should write memories down as they come back to me. Today I was telling stories from my mission and I remembered the time walking home at dusk in Podolsk, these two men being held back from each other by their friends. They were trying to fight but couldn't reach each other. I noticed they weren't saying anything, no one was saying anything, but they were all just making hand gestures at each other with angry drunken faces. They were all either deaf or dumb. I stopped in my tracks and said "You gotta be kidding me" as I tried to force back a smart aleck 20 year old's grin and lift my gaping chin up from the shock. My companion and I watched what was one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Two men facing each other about 10 feet apart trying their hardest to free their hands enough to make out the sign words that would bring the most disgust to the other. When one would get through an entire gesture, the other's face would explode with furry and he would try to respond with sign words of his own. The point at which I couldn't hold back my laughter anymore was when I watched the worst insult of all as one of the men actually dared to turn his back on his colleage. The other man was insanely furious that his sign language insults were completely futile. After a few moments the man turned around again and there was a quick exchange of more sign language then the other guy turned his back causing the same anger to appear on the other's face. This exchange went on in a drunken deaf mute stupor for a good 10 minutes before we had our fill and walked away. I love that we stumbled upon that and watched. I think I was eating Shwarma at the time. Mmmmm.

Talks about lady boys. So many from Thailand and the Philippines. Manette came over on Thursday night.

I went to HK today to get pages put in my passport. As luck would have it I was slowed down in every way possible and was only 10 minutes away from not being able to get the pages. That would have been the pits. Then I spent nearly 4 hours in the book store looking at mostly atlases and trying to map out where I'm going to go. I met up with Victoria London for a late night bite to eat in Lan Kwai Fong and basically chit chatted. She seemed a bit over compensating in her conversation style, it was very directed inward, but she had a lot of interesting things to say so it was entertaining to be with her. I think she's someone worth knowing. I had to take Turbo Jet home and actually pay for my ticket. Grrrr. However, it's been awhile since I rode Turbo Jet and it definitely is quite a bit nicer than the Cotai Jet.

Yesterday I went to Zhuhai, China for the first time. I was with Priscila and we had some interesting conversations. I bought tons of movies, bartered for a watch. I was reminded of eating Raw Shrimp with her at the fisherman's wharf, which in turn reminded me of eating live octopy... which she had. She ate Durian icecream which I thought was vanilla so I tasted it, and it was nasty and I could taste it the rest of the night. The bathrooms were crazy gross even in the little cafe we ate at.

I have a new slogan for Asia: Asia...where you just never know.
Or... Asia...girlfriend or daughter?

At the border to Zhuhai, they have a video of Jackie Chan being a customs officer trying to stop illegal things from happening at the border. Basically it's a warning not to buy pirated and fake merchandise or bad things will happen to you.

I watched Good Luck chuck with Priscila... it's pretty much a porno. I'm amazed Jessica Alba was even in it.

-NuSkin ideas - Success stories of going against conventional wisdom.
-LeBron James jumped over college and now is making huge money.

Have you ever driven a car with the wheel on the right side?
Driven a boat?, Wakeboarded? Jet skied?

-I still haven't gone a Sunday in Macau without a cell phone ringing during Sacrament. About 10 went off today.
-For the first time during fast and testimony meeting, a girl pulled out her phone to read a text to the congregation from the pulpit.

*** On New Years I was with Tingting and went to the MGM. I saw Rachel there, performing. I ran into Doctor Dalila. I was pulled onto the dance floor several times to dance in front of everyone, and Tingting got picks of it. I was turned off by Tingting self interest. However I spent New Years day with her and it was a good day. We went to Coloane and sat at the beach as we ate crazy BBQ stuff and she showed me how to eat sunflower seeds the Chinese way. We talked about Kenton and his "date house and car".

-In Church today a Philippino I've never seen before got up and during his testimony he started singing some Philippino gospel song. All the other Philippinos in the room joined in and it seemed like a baptist choir/congregation spontaneous celebration. It was odd to say the least, and of course while it happened I just chuckled to myself, smiled and thought.... I've seen way too many things in my short life, this is hilarious.

-On the way to church I walked past the foreign employment office. There were about 30 Philippino women all scrunched in on seats waiting to find jobs as house cleaners and nannies. I feel so bad for them... and it's better for them here than at home in the Philippines.

I need to come up with a name for my international movie business. -world movie store.com?

W Hotel Christmas

Merry Christmas. Or San Dan Kauile as they say here. I worked at the W Hotel as a model the last two days. I was dressed in a "sexy" santa suit handing being groovy and congenial with all the ritzy guests on hand as I passed out presents and did prize drawing presentations. When I say sexy.. I just mean that I was in a santa suit that looks like something elvis would wear and it was purple because that's what W Hotel is all about. The hotel was founded by the guy who does fashion TV. I made 9000 HK on the Job, only worked a few hours each day, got to pose with a gorgeous girl from Taiwan all day, and I got to stay the night in the hotel with an AMAZING view of Hong Kong. So, even though I worked for Christmas, I'll be able to go on a nice trip with the money.

I have so many pieces of paper with notes on them that say "write in journal about such and such". So since I'm afraid of losing my journal here I'm doing everything digital and this private blog is my journal. I have found some from March and May and all year long. I am SOOO bad at keeping a record for myself. I'm so busy living life, I don't have time to write my memories down. So, now I'm going to do a digital note to write about the Hong Kong movie I did last night. Thursday Dec 18. And dinner at Tacos with Tingting.

A girl I work with kissed Cris Brown. And I shot a Korean movie on Wednesday night ( Dec 3). So tired.

Great movie. Great music.

This video is moving, makes you think all these great things about this man, it moves you with hope. "This is my America", spine tingling soundtrack music in the background..."The thing that inspires me the most about Obama... is he's not going to be the president of the most powerful lobbyists." What these people aren't singing about is today Obama announced his children will go to a private school, yet he opposes school choice vouchers-the position of the teachers' union who endorsed Obama. Today he was the president of the lobbyists, instead of the people who want to send their children to better schools. The tuition for each of the Obama children will be $18k-20k a year. Vouchers would allow those not as privileged to close the gap and take a step closer to the type of education the rich/Obamas are able to afford. It also creates motivation for ALL schools to compete and provide a better education and retain their students. So much for civil rights and empowering the poor with choice.

I wonder how the people singing in the video feel now. Probably smiling that they're in a video that 3 million people watched.

So Monday I got my Visa to India, then Wednesday the big terrorist attacks in Bombay took place. I hadn't planned on going there, but it's still pretty crazy to know that there are attacks every so often directed at foreigners, namely Americans in India. I'm still planning on going to New Delhi and Agra, but I might give it an extra week or two.

Lately I've seen quite an influx of old men with stunning girls on their arms. Man I can't wait to be 50! Oh yeah, and rich too. Today as I was passing the sports bar on TV I saw a show on MTV called "Cribs". I have seen it before, but it made me think this time how openly materialistic society has/is becoming. It's a show about the rich and famous showing off their houses and driveways full of cars as if to say "look what I have and you don't, but you should aspire to have". Sends a "fantastic" message! I also recently read a poll, I don't remember it off the top of my head to post it, but it asked teenagers what they thought was most important in life, and the #1 answer was to be rich. That was chosen over "love", "family", "friends" "career" etc. I also got online yesterday and listened to the top 10 songs on the billboards and the majority of them are about being rich and famous. So superficial.

Sunday Nov 9

I still feel like I got run over by a truck. Oh wait, I did. My back hurts nonstop and the doctor is sending me in for x-rays tomorrow. I got to pass the sacrament again today... like EVERY Sunday. I was so proud of my boys when they passed it all alone back in the day, yet now only one of them is ever there on any given Sunday. It's usually James. A guy who lives in Zhu Hai but who is American with a Chinese wife has been coming to our branch more often as he isn't traveling as much. He said he usually goes to HK. Anyway it's neat to see this middle aged guy speaking fluent Mandarin. His wife is beautiful and his mixed kids... well those boys are going to be HEART BREAKERS!!! M-from Slovakia came with Elya-from Indonesia today. Not exactly sure why. If it was to keep tabs on me, to see me, or just out of sheer curiosity. I'm just surprised though after the way she ripped on my beliefs and the way I let her have it for saying those things to me. In the end I ended up grabbing a Czech Book of Mormon from the library and giving it to her. We went over the first few pages as I read and translated just for fun. She seemed entertained by my "Czech". She was still difficult to talk to, so I'm not sure if I care to speak to her again, but maybe she'll learn to be straightforward. Maybe she'll like her new book.

I went on a "date" I guess you could say, with Tingting tonight. Her name still cracks me up. We went and watched a movie and then went to the Macau food festival. We didn't end up spending all our "festival play money cash" and so she suggested we go out again tomorrow night. I'm looking forward to it. She has the brightest personality of anyone I've met in Macau. I think she is just so fun to be around. She says the cutest things and her eyes light up over everything. She speaks 4 languages. She doesn't drink or smoke, doesn't go out and party. My sentences are really short. I grabbed a random pic from her facebook to post.


At the Macau festival they had a stage and what do ya know, the Brazilian girls I modeled with are dancing in huge Brazilian style dancing costumes. They looked really good! They waved from stage and Tingting and I went and got some delicious Shanghai style kebabs. It's so crazy how if I ever do an event, I end up also doing it with people I know, and if I ever go to any kind of event, at least one of my friends will be in it. One of the girls on stage (Suellen)even wanted to rent my extra room from me. Small funny world.

Nov 1

Funny how anytime I wear a suit, the first thing people say isn't.. you look so handsome, or nice suit or what's the occasion, business meeting? Church? Nope... they say... whoa, you look like James Bond! I guess that explains why even when I'm walking through back alleys at night in a suit, I don't get one bit harassed. You'd think I'd be the perfect target. Wealthy westerner on his way home from work going the bad way home. Nope, they just look at me and think... don't mess with him. Maybe not, but I hope my luck in that dept. doesn't run out anytime soon. I never carry any cash anyway.

Today is my Mom's birthday. She's 52! I don't think Patchi got my chocolates to her on time!

Funny T shirts and Names.

This part will be updated regularly.

Funny T-shirts.

I saw a t-shirt in a store that was for like a 3 year old girl and it said "If you think I'm yummy, You should see my Mom!" --- I was like... I really hope no one thinks you're "yummy" little girl! EWE!

-I am not a paperclip.
-There are many smile, there one I wish you have.
-


Peoples Names here:
-window
-car
-sun
-water
-fish
-wind
-moon
-star
-fresh

Chocolate Girls

The Patchi chocolate girls crack me up. Every time I go by the store they stick their tongues out at me, or make silly faces and I make them right back. Ha ha, so professional. I really like when they run up to me and give me handfuls of chocolate! Sometimes a little friendly flirtation goes a long way!

My thoughts on depression.

My thoughts on depression, or at least being down. I was in a sad mood yesterday. I walked by Haagen Dazs ... walked by it.. kept walking... and then thought to myself, I want something sweet right now, a little feel good... Don't do it! Don't do it! So I got some ice cream, and felt a little better. Then I started thinking about my abs, and I was bummed thinking how I may be adversely affecting my figure. Then I was down again. So I went to the store to buy some M&M's... it is a vicious cycle.

Mandarin as a second language

Today at work I had a group of Koreans who did not speak English. One of them spoke Mandarin and so I was able to speak to her and she communicated with the rest of the group what I was saying. I speak a lot of Mandarin everyday to so many Chinese people who sometimes have varying degrees of ability in English, and sometimes can't speak any English so my Mandarin is useful, but this was different. It clicked in my mind that I was participating in 2 people using Mandarin as a second language to communicate. It gave a whole new meaning to my experience here.

No More US Missionaries in Russia.

Russia finally changed its laws. American missionaries will no longer be serving in Russia. What an incredible development. I'm sure many people are freaked out by it, but it doesn't mean missionaries from the rest of the world won't be serving there. It may be in God's plan to help strengthen his church in Russia by relying more on the Russians who have been members for nearly 20 years and know the Gospel as well as any foreign missionary could. My jaw dropped when I read about it, but I feel comforted because I taught there, I converted many people and they are strong and have themselves converted others. I am confident that I and all the missionaries who served with me helped to build an unshakable foundation for the church there. I am actually excited for all those members to have this new challenge... if it even is one... opportunity rather and have peace in my heart that all is well there.

The Dancers.

I had a long talk with one of the dancers about an interesting topic. I don't really want most of it public but I don't want to forget it. Basically I was told that all the dancers want me and all I have to do is flirt with them and I could take anyone of them home with me and have my way. That I don't act sexy enough, I don't give off a sexual vibe and that I'm crazy for not having sex. I REALLY don't fit in here.

No need for Magic.

Yup, it's true. Rich men get the beautiful girls. That's basically all I see here. This tells me that beauty is most important to men, and money is most important to women. It is so widespread in everywhere that I've seen that I don't think it's shallow, I think it's just how it is. This also tells me I'm a long way from marriage. I don't care how much or little money I have, I don't want to be with someone who loves me for it. I have passed up so many opportunities to have a lot of material things and participate in immoral activities but instead I stand by and watch those around me do them. It makes me lonely. It's like I'm harnessing all my strength to be a good man with integrity and virtue in all things day in and day out and not really getting anything out of it accept the ability to say to myself "I'm a good man". It's becoming less and less fulfilling as I watch others getting ahead in life by means that I haven't let myself. The offers are there so why don't I take them? The answer is easy the first few hundred times. "Because it's wrong". But here I am 27.5 years old and no girlfriend because I'm not good enough for the Mormon girls whose families have always been members, and I'm to goody goody for the girls that want a man who will go out and have a drink and at least have sex considered for a few dates down the road. I feel like my magic has run out. My world used to be so magical. The hardest part is knowing that I know how to make it magical and serendipitous yet I don't because as much joy it brings me, each time so far a lot of pain has been waiting at the end.

Driving School Cars and Haircuts.

I love the driving school cars here. They HAVE to stop for you. They are everywhere and make it easy to cross the street.

I got my hair cute for the 3rd time since I've been here. I'm getting frustrated. Usually when you pay $15 bucks for a mens haircut in the states, you walk out feeling attractive. You go to get your haircut so you'll look better and enjoy your appearance more. I usually get my hair cut about 3 days before anything that's big to me, like a really anticipated date or something I just really want to look good to. Well, I dread every time my hair is so long I need to get it cut, because as bad as it looks... It is guaranteed to look worse after I get it cut. So for the 3rd time in China, after getting it cut, instead of walking out feeling like a million bucks, I walked out feeling like a piece of poo. And I wanted to look good for someone!!! DANG IT!!!! Several girls that are just my friends have even said, you don't look good with your hair like that. (It's currently the length of tennis ball fuzz!!). I told the guy exactly what to do, who was totally fluent in English let alone knew all the terminology of haircuts! Grrrrrr! When will I feel good after a cut again?!!!

A feeling I love.

I love those times when I've been walking and I'll look up, and in front of me is the girl.  The girl I have a mad crush on and my heart starts to beat out of my chest.  The girl I might not know at all, or maybe I know her well but have just recently fallen for.  My heart beats so hard because she might know.  Maybe she has sensed how I'm feeling before, maybe I made a little comment about who I'm crushing on to a friend who went and passed it on to her friends who maybe passed it on to her.  Maybe I spilled all the beans to someone who spilled all the beans straight to her.  Maybe she doesn't know anything at all, or me at all.  There have been a few girls and really only a handful of times when that unexpected pleasant surprise of her being so perfectly placed in my path gets my heart racing.  They are some of my favorite memories.

Riddles

If a train is going forward blowing smoke, which way is the smoke blowing? North, South, East Or west?

If you have one question to ask a man about the number he's thinking in his head, 1,2 or 3, and his answers can only be yes, no, or I don't know.... what is the question to ask to find out the number he's thinking?

20 sick sheep.

The boat crossing the river with chicken feed, a chicken and wolf.

How much dirt is in a 7x9x14 hole?

Place crashes on the border of canada, where do you bury the survivors.

Just being ridiculous

For about the last month I have been entertaining myself by saying "hello" to people in the Venetian mall by saying "Pizza" and waving hi. I die laughing every time they say PIZZA with a smile on their face and wave back.

أنا هنا لكي بالملل!! اريد ان اعود الى امريكا الآن!

Typhoon 8

I walked to the Venetian today to do some hat shopping. It was raining outside but I thought no big deal. Then as I was holding my umbrella horizontally to stop the rain I thought "this is pretty wild weather!" The rain was coming at me completely sideways and I was leaning my body weight against my umbrella, then wham! The rain and wind came at me from the exact opposite direction and turn the umbrella inside out and just about knocked me over. I was quite amused... and wet.

I get to the Venetian to find out almost all the stores are closed and many employees had been sent home because there is a level 8 Typhoon on the way. The bridges between Taipa and Macau are closed everything is getting locked down. I'm home now and waiting for the eye of the storm to get here. As far as I know, a Typhoon is a Hurricane that spins in the opposite direction :) Kinda like toilets in Australia.

My heart leaped

Ella no sonríe más a mí, ella camina lejos cuando me pongo a hablar con ella y ella todavía no puedo decir mi nombre derecho ... más por lo que no "aplastar" para mí. No tengo la menor idea de lo cambió por lo que estoy del mismo. Sin embargo hoy he visto caminar a su pueblo ropa regular a lo largo del canal y mi corazón leaped. Ella ni siquiera verme. Sé que nada va a pasar, ja, pero ha sido al menos 2 años desde que me sentí, y que sentía bien.

Il mio cuore è balzata dal mio petto.

Per praticare uno dei miei lingue Io vado a tradurre questo. Lei non mi ha sorriso in più, lei si allontana quando cominciamo a parlare con lei e lei ancora non è in grado di dire il mio nome giusto ... Non sono più "sbandata" per me. Non ho alcun indizio che cosa è cambiato in modo Sto su di esso. Ma oggi ho visto i suoi piedi e le persone normali vestiti lungo il canale e il mio cuore esultò. Lei non ha nemmeno vedermi. Non so nulla sta per accadere, ah, ma è stata almeno 2 anni da quando ho sentito che, e si sentiva bene.

Sikh Jewelry

I met a lady from India today who was wearing newlywed jewelry. It went half way up her arm and was gorgeous. She was "Sikh" religion and will wear that jewelry for an entire year. It looked awesome. I tried to google a picture of it but couldn't find any.

Today I met a family from the Philippines and they had a little 5 year old girl who was ADORABLE!!! She was so incredibly smart.

Hopper

I was walking to the Gym in Macau, and I felt something smack against my shoe. Then I saw something in the corner of my eye scurrying off. I had kicked a large frog as it was in mid air.
Crazy.

Proud

So I am the young men's leader/teacher/everything in Macau. I have to teach in a combination of English, Cantonese and Mandarin and even a bit of Portuguese because those are the languages spoken by the boys of this mixed branch. It has to be done or not every boy will get a complete comprehension of the lesson taught. I have helped to ordain several of the boys as 3 of them have turned 12 in the time that I've been here. It's great because today was the first time since I've been here I haven't passed the sacrament. It's sometimes strange to pass the sacrament as a 27 year old... EVERY week. The missionaries bless it every week with the exception of the occasional Peter (New convert from Vietnam) stepping in. The thing that was great about it is that we came up with a way to pass the sacrament to include them, and the 3 boys passed it all by themselves without any problem and with reverence. It was so cool to see these boys from different lands work together in their new calling to make a complete sacrament. Elder cap and I (the branch president) made eye contact and smiled when it was over because we were both so excited to have this new element in our branch.

我喜欢学和写普通话。

我今天刚开始学普通话。我也喜欢妇奴。

Many of the older men here have moles. From those moles spout hair that is sometimes 6 or so inches long. They shave the rest of their face, but they leave that part growing and growing. Some of the men don't even have moles, they just pick a spot on their face, around the area a dimple would be, and then start growing out the hair from there. From my westerner perspective.... it looks pretty hideous, but apparently it's a sign of prestige... or extreme self loathing. I'll have to study it more so as maybe to gain an appreciation for it. For now I prefer not to see it.

Indonesian super model shoot on Thursday Feb 27th.

Feb 28, Spiritual conversation with Autumn.

March 1st. First discussion with the Missionaries.



Things to write about when I get the chance.
My complete shock at people voting for McCain and Huckabee.

The breakfast ladies and how their faces just light up when I see them.
Being the outcast.
Riding the bus.
Missionary experience with Alexis.
The movie star who played the bad guy in Jerry McGuire.

The Kenyan and how his eyes lit up when I started speaking Arabic to him.

The country dance joint in Vegas.

Spelling of the word Love changes its meaning. "I luv you!"

One day I'm going to go to the gym with a huge jug of water, like the ones on top of a water cooler, with a handle on it. And I'm going to carry it around the gym everywhere I go. Yeah, then I'll be cool.

One Republic

So I went to a concert 2 days ago with an amazing girl. I decided to get a haircut... for some reason the last 2 haircuts I have got, and both were right before dates because I didn't like how it looked long... have made me look SOOO not good. I didn't even look at the haircut I got on Wednesday before the One Republic concert. When I got home, I was mortified. I looked at the pictures, my hair is junk, my skin is so white, and I look sickly! So basically I'm in pictures with this gorgeous girl, and I look about the worst I ever have. Oh and my lips were chapped too. Go figure. Why is it, that no matter how much I work out, I don't get more buff? I just weigh more and look skinnier. For the last 2 months I have weighed between 215 and 218. I look almost as skinny now as when I lost 12 pounds on my mission. Compare... Mission: 178 lbs. Now: 215 lbs. Maybe I have muscle dis morphia or something. And then at dinner, we were like, let's not talk about exes. ... So I ended up talking about my exes all night. It wasn't really my fault though because she knew people/ she dated 2 people that had caused me massive pain, and then I sit next to one of my exes' previous boyfriends and it just went off from there, and then I saw my last girlfriend sitting about 10 feet from me totally trying to hide. And I saw Mekenzy there, so I told Callie all these stories about all these crazy people that were bombarding me all at the same time in the same night. It was NUTS! I haven't even talked about my exes in at least a year. It's something I never do. Wow. So I wish I hadn't cut my hair, it looked much better Wednesday morning than Wednesday night, I wish I looked my weight so people wouldn't guess 30 lbs under almost always, and I wish not a single person I had ever dated would have come up. Bed time, I'll write about my best friend's wife tomorrow.

Il mio cuore fa male, e ci si sente bene.

Non so perché, ma il mio cuore fa male. Per la prima volta in più di un anno, il mio cuore fa male. Non voglio lasciare. Voglio soggiorno, di studiare, di godere di Utah. Non riesco a dormire. Ma devo fare qualcosa di duro. Devo dimenticare le ragazze, e ho bisogno di lavorare. Voglio trovare l'amore. Il mio cuore è finalmente guarita. Il mio cuore fa male adesso, perché non è amato e tanto tempo. Voglio amare di nuovo. Macao sarà una bella città. I incontrerà molte persone, portare tanti sorrisi, aiutare molte persone. Voglio insegnare il Vangelo. Voglio di battezzare le persone. Voglio preparare ad essere un grande marito.

Walmart strikes again.

Today I drove from Salt Lake to Boise. I went to Walmart to buy some snacks for the trip. I walked in, grabbed a gatorade, grabbed a thing of trail mix, some chewy chocolate chip cookies, and then decided I wanted some nuts. There was a lady pushing her cart through the isle as i was standing there holding my things deciding which nuts to get. I needed a free hand, so I set the gatorade on a shelf and reached for a can of nuts. As I was arranging my 3 items in my hands to make a free hand for my gatorade, the lady strolls on through, picks up the gatorade, puts it in her cart and goes on her merry way. I just turned to her, and watched her backside shuffle on down the isle with a smirk on my face. Nothing at Walmart surprises me anymore. I wasn't even shocked or bothered. That place just cracks me up.

昨晚我最了不起的時候，與一個女孩。我們出席一場音樂會，聽音樂，談一整夜，並進行了一次非常奇妙的夜晚。她很漂亮，有吸引力，聰明而雄心勃勃。她的名字是 Callie 。

Random Political Thoughs

Mitt Romney is a Christian. Stop arguing about that, the name of the church he belongs to is “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints”. The term Mormon is a bigoted term from the 1800’s and is like calling a Muslim a Koran or a Jew a Torah.

Why is Mitt Romney RIDICULOUSLY rich?... Because he is amazingly talented with business, the economy and running corporations.

Do we want a poor man who doesn’t really get how money works to run our country?!

Do we want a bigot in the office? Huckabigot? He has expressed so many bigoted views in his campaign, and when he is asked tough questions, he just comes up with some sly comedic answer. Is that what we want the rest of the world to look at us as? A country who elects a swindler?

Mitt Romney gave his speech on religion, and he showed that he will not judge anyone based on their religion, and he will not let religion affect his policies.

Don’t let the media skew Mitt’s current success. More people in the caucuses have voted for him than anyone else, and he is leading in the overall delegate count.

McCain is a baby. He has a temper. We cannot let that run our country.

Obama is full of pretty words like, vision and change.

Mitt is always the one getting ganged up on.

When Romney puts ads on television to show how he differs from other candidates, he is said to be airing attack ads. That’s because it’s the only defense the other candidates can come up with for being called out on their not so perfect records. I don’t want a baby in office who can’t come up with a good defense for his policies.

Fred Thompson is great, has great ideas, responds to questions in a very intelligent manner, but he’s LAZY!!!

Pet Peaves

When the super fat guy at the gym stands naked at the entrance of the locker room with the waist level hand drier pointed at his junk. (And he has his head tilted back and his arms folded behind his back) Ewe, I don't like that guy.

When people don’t let you in the merge lane on the freeway… and having my blinker on to get on the freeway, where else am I going to go?

Putting blinker on and there’s a car in the lane you’re moving to 5 car lengths back and they speed up not to let you in.

Je l'espère, pour une meilleure année.

J'espere vraiment que l'annee prochaine est bien meilleur. Cela m'a rendu triste Noël. Je voulais tellement de grandes choses à se produire cette année, cela ne s'est pas produit. Ma famille n'est pas meilleur que ce qu'il était auparavant. La seule amélioration est que je ne suis pas blessé plus. J'ai perdu une année à l'école, mais je suis une personne plus forte à cause de cela.

Macau

我愛澳門。這是一個非常美麗的城市！我知道我會喜歡這裡的工作

Priorities

My life priorities:

1. Find my companion to share my life with.

2. Be successful and accomplish on many levels.

3. Raise my children in a way that allows them to change the world.

Could I leave?

The moon looked to me and said why do you stay with her if she makes you cry and I looked to the moon and said moon would you ever leave your sky?

Сгорение моего мира

я скучаю по россии, моему сердцу было теплее там.

رايس تجتمع مع مبارك قبل أن تتوجه الى إسرائي

تجتمع وزيرة الخارجية الأمريكية كوندوليزا رايس صباح اليوم الأربعاء بالرئيس المصري حسني مبارك، قبل أن تتوجه إلى كل من اسرائيل والاراضي الفلسطينية.

ومن المقرر أن تلتقى رايس مع الرئيس الفلسطيني محمود عباس ورئيس الوزراء الاسرائيلي ايهود أولمرت.

وقد اجتمعت رايس أمس الثلاثاء مع ثمانية من وزراء خارجية دول التعاون الخليجي ومصر والأردن.

و كمان ممكن اكتب عربي

حياتي تمامةلما ما فيه بنت

я только что!!!

вообще!, я только что узнал что я могу писать по-русски! я не знал что это возможно! Я очень рад тому!

The Scotts!!!

Today I was privilaged to hear from a former 1st Chancellor of the Scottish parliament, Henry McLeish. I was so extremely impressed. Speachless. So professional, so much abilitiy to guide his thoughts, defuse tense questions, and make light of both things he advocates and those he doesn't. Makes me want to seriously consider the internship with the Scottish parliament.

Why parents are wrong.

Parents,

They forget what it was like to be younger. They think they know what is best now, for you, because they know the mistakes they made, they know how they would like to change their lives. In the process they may end up ruining their children's lives.

Tea for two.

going for number two.

This better work!

There's a first time for everything.

On Track

Yeah, so about that stuff a month ago? I'd take it down, but it's a part of me and what I've been through and felt. But I am SOOO on track baby!

Wasted

How do you overcome sorrow. The kind of sorrow that leads you to believe all you have done is in vain. All the struggles, heartaches, and hopes, the belief in that amazing shared happiness.
I have wasted my summer, my life, and myself on an empty dream. I let myself feel so deeply, trust for what I thought would be the last time, believe my heart was in safe hands and that it was honest and real this time.

I have been wasted.

How can someone make you believe that they love you with all their heart and soul, connect with you from words of a precious book, and speak peace to your heart, express the deepest warmth and desire, trust and love, express a yearning for you that makes their soul tremble with excitement at the thought of again being in your arms and then turn on a dime, without any input from the person they claimed to cherish, when the world tells them that this kind of love isn't real, they leave you with nothing.

I was asked to believe, and to show that I did by erasing any prospects for a different life with a different person. I spent the last month of my life preparing for what she wanted with all her heart, and what I in turn did too.

My only friends are now 24hour fitness, a 5 mile stretch of road between where I live and center street in Orem, the books I read while the friends I left are out flirting the nights away and my ipod which blares U2 and Gladiator on my twilight runs.
I have opened my heart as far as it can open, and that's really far, and I have put it on the line time after time. There is nothing left of me.

I am wasted.

Who?

Who would win in a battle between Darth Vader and Superman?....


......


Chuck Norris.

Saquid

Fpoon---my new favorite word. It's what you eat a frosty with. Hilarious.

The Saquid Commercial.

Ugh

I had the most heart wrenching dream last night! AAAH!!! I can't even escape in my sleep.

Mid Summer Night's Run

I've never known what it's like to forget everything. To not feel anything. For the first time in my life, I forget to eat...all day...two days. I don't feel hunger because it's covered up by a different kind of ache. I've never known no motivation to go to the gym...for 6 weeks straight. What is it that I have become to not find joy in anything? I try, for short bursts to make myself find enjoyment in the things that used to make me happy, but they still seem so empty. Is it the emptiness of a person?..of me? The world seems grey, icecream is just a tasteless paste, I have noone to share my flowers with, so who cares how good they smell, how beautiful they are. And if there was a person, I'd smile, give her the flowers and walk away. Why enjoy something with someone. It doesn't last. Why do we send letters?...in the end they are just paper with ink on them. Emotions attached to them long ago no longer have meaning....they must never have meant anything in the first place. Why do we listen to music?... Music hurts. I used to be able to lay out in a park on a beautiful day, stare up at a blue sky with some amazing soundtrack resonating in my ears, I was so optimistic. I cared about everything, everything was vibrant with color, teaming with activity, I was alive. I wanted to share that with someone, but I lost myself. I slipped away. I had to search within myself for the strength to understand why it just wasn't simple...clear cut..we were meant to be, I had to keep fighting for it, being patient for it until I broke without even knowing it. Emotions...feelings, I've finally conquered them and locked them up. Only, with the pain gone, so it my joy. For now, it's worth it. I can get myself out of bed before noon. I can at least think about eating. When will i have the courage to open up again?

At 11pm tonight I put on my running shoes and sprinted out the front door. I didn't stop for half an hour. I must have run 5 miles on a cold body. It is a crystal clear night. And there is no light pollution up here in the mountains. I saw stars...and a big huge bright moon. Everything was cold and crisp and silent. I ran on trails through the mountains wondering if some creature would jump out at me. I remembered my balcony in Egypt. So many dreams. Why do we let others tear them away from us? Talk "sense" into us, as if they were there and understood what we felt then. They weren't. I let myself live for those feelings. It was so obvious what my life's path should be, and who I should spend it with. They say that any two righteous people..striving for celestial lives.. can spend this life happily together. Well if that were the only requirement I'd say the experiences and feelings we shared put us light years ahead of that.
How many people have stared at the moon, in all the ages of time, in all the continents and kingdoms, from all classes and casts, and wished, and wondered. When will she come? When will I be able to open and rest this heart in love? We dream of epic love. Try dreaming once you've had that, only to have lost it.

Mi iii

I went and saw MI iii..... Yes Christine...MI iii!!! Ha ha, Mission Impossible 3. I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't nearly as corny as the second movie, and basically as good as the first. I highly recommend it. ps. Due to the previews seen at MI3 I'm pretty excited about the Promise coming out..looks pretty cool, and even more excited about the new Jack Black movie, nacho or something like that....I laughed so hard I cried, for like 5 minutes...just off the preview.

Nevermind

In light of yesterdays events, I have decided to take Tehran off of my itinerary. I'm brave...but not THAT brave.

My Kind of Woman

"I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully tailored clothes, my hair coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with grass stains on my shoes from mowing sister Schenck's lawn. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbor's children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden. I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived."

-Marjorie Pay Hinckley



"There are those who give little of the much which they have---and they give it for recognition and their hidden desire makes their gifts unwholsome.

And there are those who have little and give it all.

These are the believers in life and the bounty of life, and their coffer is never empty."

-Kahlil Gibran

Thanks to Heather.