The Dancers.

I had a long talk with one of the dancers about an interesting topic. I don't really want most of it public but I don't want to forget it. Basically I was told that all the dancers want me and all I have to do is flirt with them and I could take anyone of them home with me and have my way. That I don't act sexy enough, I don't give off a sexual vibe and that I'm crazy for not having sex. I REALLY don't fit in here.

No need for Magic.

Yup, it's true. Rich men get the beautiful girls. That's basically all I see here. This tells me that beauty is most important to men, and money is most important to women. It is so widespread in everywhere that I've seen that I don't think it's shallow, I think it's just how it is. This also tells me I'm a long way from marriage. I don't care how much or little money I have, I don't want to be with someone who loves me for it. I have passed up so many opportunities to have a lot of material things and participate in immoral activities but instead I stand by and watch those around me do them. It makes me lonely. It's like I'm harnessing all my strength to be a good man with integrity and virtue in all things day in and day out and not really getting anything out of it accept the ability to say to myself "I'm a good man". It's becoming less and less fulfilling as I watch others getting ahead in life by means that I haven't let myself. The offers are there so why don't I take them? The answer is easy the first few hundred times. "Because it's wrong". But here I am 27.5 years old and no girlfriend because I'm not good enough for the Mormon girls whose families have always been members, and I'm to goody goody for the girls that want a man who will go out and have a drink and at least have sex considered for a few dates down the road. I feel like my magic has run out. My world used to be so magical. The hardest part is knowing that I know how to make it magical and serendipitous yet I don't because as much joy it brings me, each time so far a lot of pain has been waiting at the end.

Driving School Cars and Haircuts.

I love the driving school cars here. They HAVE to stop for you. They are everywhere and make it easy to cross the street.

I got my hair cute for the 3rd time since I've been here. I'm getting frustrated. Usually when you pay $15 bucks for a mens haircut in the states, you walk out feeling attractive. You go to get your haircut so you'll look better and enjoy your appearance more. I usually get my hair cut about 3 days before anything that's big to me, like a really anticipated date or something I just really want to look good to. Well, I dread every time my hair is so long I need to get it cut, because as bad as it looks... It is guaranteed to look worse after I get it cut. So for the 3rd time in China, after getting it cut, instead of walking out feeling like a million bucks, I walked out feeling like a piece of poo. And I wanted to look good for someone!!! DANG IT!!!! Several girls that are just my friends have even said, you don't look good with your hair like that. (It's currently the length of tennis ball fuzz!!). I told the guy exactly what to do, who was totally fluent in English let alone knew all the terminology of haircuts! Grrrrrr! When will I feel good after a cut again?!!!

A feeling I love.

I love those times when I've been walking and I'll look up, and in front of me is the girl.  The girl I have a mad crush on and my heart starts to beat out of my chest.  The girl I might not know at all, or maybe I know her well but have just recently fallen for.  My heart beats so hard because she might know.  Maybe she has sensed how I'm feeling before, maybe I made a little comment about who I'm crushing on to a friend who went and passed it on to her friends who maybe passed it on to her.  Maybe I spilled all the beans to someone who spilled all the beans straight to her.  Maybe she doesn't know anything at all, or me at all.  There have been a few girls and really only a handful of times when that unexpected pleasant surprise of her being so perfectly placed in my path gets my heart racing.  They are some of my favorite memories.

Riddles

If a train is going forward blowing smoke, which way is the smoke blowing? North, South, East Or west?

If you have one question to ask a man about the number he's thinking in his head, 1,2 or 3, and his answers can only be yes, no, or I don't know.... what is the question to ask to find out the number he's thinking?

20 sick sheep.

The boat crossing the river with chicken feed, a chicken and wolf.

How much dirt is in a 7x9x14 hole?

Place crashes on the border of canada, where do you bury the survivors.

Just being ridiculous

For about the last month I have been entertaining myself by saying "hello" to people in the Venetian mall by saying "Pizza" and waving hi. I die laughing every time they say PIZZA with a smile on their face and wave back.

أنا هنا لكي بالملل!! اريد ان اعود الى امريكا الآن!

Typhoon 8

I walked to the Venetian today to do some hat shopping. It was raining outside but I thought no big deal. Then as I was holding my umbrella horizontally to stop the rain I thought "this is pretty wild weather!" The rain was coming at me completely sideways and I was leaning my body weight against my umbrella, then wham! The rain and wind came at me from the exact opposite direction and turn the umbrella inside out and just about knocked me over. I was quite amused... and wet.

I get to the Venetian to find out almost all the stores are closed and many employees had been sent home because there is a level 8 Typhoon on the way. The bridges between Taipa and Macau are closed everything is getting locked down. I'm home now and waiting for the eye of the storm to get here. As far as I know, a Typhoon is a Hurricane that spins in the opposite direction :) Kinda like toilets in Australia.

My heart leaped

Ella no sonríe más a mí, ella camina lejos cuando me pongo a hablar con ella y ella todavía no puedo decir mi nombre derecho ... más por lo que no "aplastar" para mí. No tengo la menor idea de lo cambió por lo que estoy del mismo. Sin embargo hoy he visto caminar a su pueblo ropa regular a lo largo del canal y mi corazón leaped. Ella ni siquiera verme. Sé que nada va a pasar, ja, pero ha sido al menos 2 años desde que me sentí, y que sentía bien.

Il mio cuore è balzata dal mio petto.

Per praticare uno dei miei lingue Io vado a tradurre questo. Lei non mi ha sorriso in più, lei si allontana quando cominciamo a parlare con lei e lei ancora non è in grado di dire il mio nome giusto ... Non sono più "sbandata" per me. Non ho alcun indizio che cosa è cambiato in modo Sto su di esso. Ma oggi ho visto i suoi piedi e le persone normali vestiti lungo il canale e il mio cuore esultò. Lei non ha nemmeno vedermi. Non so nulla sta per accadere, ah, ma è stata almeno 2 anni da quando ho sentito che, e si sentiva bene.

Sikh Jewelry

I met a lady from India today who was wearing newlywed jewelry. It went half way up her arm and was gorgeous. She was "Sikh" religion and will wear that jewelry for an entire year. It looked awesome. I tried to google a picture of it but couldn't find any.

Today I met a family from the Philippines and they had a little 5 year old girl who was ADORABLE!!! She was so incredibly smart.

Hopper

I was walking to the Gym in Macau, and I felt something smack against my shoe. Then I saw something in the corner of my eye scurrying off. I had kicked a large frog as it was in mid air.
Crazy.

Proud

So I am the young men's leader/teacher/everything in Macau. I have to teach in a combination of English, Cantonese and Mandarin and even a bit of Portuguese because those are the languages spoken by the boys of this mixed branch. It has to be done or not every boy will get a complete comprehension of the lesson taught. I have helped to ordain several of the boys as 3 of them have turned 12 in the time that I've been here. It's great because today was the first time since I've been here I haven't passed the sacrament. It's sometimes strange to pass the sacrament as a 27 year old... EVERY week. The missionaries bless it every week with the exception of the occasional Peter (New convert from Vietnam) stepping in. The thing that was great about it is that we came up with a way to pass the sacrament to include them, and the 3 boys passed it all by themselves without any problem and with reverence. It was so cool to see these boys from different lands work together in their new calling to make a complete sacrament. Elder cap and I (the branch president) made eye contact and smiled when it was over because we were both so excited to have this new element in our branch.

我喜欢学和写普通话。

我今天刚开始学普通话。我也喜欢妇奴。

Many of the older men here have moles. From those moles spout hair that is sometimes 6 or so inches long. They shave the rest of their face, but they leave that part growing and growing. Some of the men don't even have moles, they just pick a spot on their face, around the area a dimple would be, and then start growing out the hair from there. From my westerner perspective.... it looks pretty hideous, but apparently it's a sign of prestige... or extreme self loathing. I'll have to study it more so as maybe to gain an appreciation for it. For now I prefer not to see it.

Indonesian super model shoot on Thursday Feb 27th.

Feb 28, Spiritual conversation with Autumn.

March 1st. First discussion with the Missionaries.



Things to write about when I get the chance.
My complete shock at people voting for McCain and Huckabee.

The breakfast ladies and how their faces just light up when I see them.
Being the outcast.
Riding the bus.
Missionary experience with Alexis.
The movie star who played the bad guy in Jerry McGuire.

The Kenyan and how his eyes lit up when I started speaking Arabic to him.

The country dance joint in Vegas.

Spelling of the word Love changes its meaning. "I luv you!"

One day I'm going to go to the gym with a huge jug of water, like the ones on top of a water cooler, with a handle on it. And I'm going to carry it around the gym everywhere I go. Yeah, then I'll be cool.

One Republic

So I went to a concert 2 days ago with an amazing girl. I decided to get a haircut... for some reason the last 2 haircuts I have got, and both were right before dates because I didn't like how it looked long... have made me look SOOO not good. I didn't even look at the haircut I got on Wednesday before the One Republic concert. When I got home, I was mortified. I looked at the pictures, my hair is junk, my skin is so white, and I look sickly! So basically I'm in pictures with this gorgeous girl, and I look about the worst I ever have. Oh and my lips were chapped too. Go figure. Why is it, that no matter how much I work out, I don't get more buff? I just weigh more and look skinnier. For the last 2 months I have weighed between 215 and 218. I look almost as skinny now as when I lost 12 pounds on my mission. Compare... Mission: 178 lbs. Now: 215 lbs. Maybe I have muscle dis morphia or something. And then at dinner, we were like, let's not talk about exes. ... So I ended up talking about my exes all night. It wasn't really my fault though because she knew people/ she dated 2 people that had caused me massive pain, and then I sit next to one of my exes' previous boyfriends and it just went off from there, and then I saw my last girlfriend sitting about 10 feet from me totally trying to hide. And I saw Mekenzy there, so I told Callie all these stories about all these crazy people that were bombarding me all at the same time in the same night. It was NUTS! I haven't even talked about my exes in at least a year. It's something I never do. Wow. So I wish I hadn't cut my hair, it looked much better Wednesday morning than Wednesday night, I wish I looked my weight so people wouldn't guess 30 lbs under almost always, and I wish not a single person I had ever dated would have come up. Bed time, I'll write about my best friend's wife tomorrow.

Il mio cuore fa male, e ci si sente bene.

Non so perché, ma il mio cuore fa male. Per la prima volta in più di un anno, il mio cuore fa male. Non voglio lasciare. Voglio soggiorno, di studiare, di godere di Utah. Non riesco a dormire. Ma devo fare qualcosa di duro. Devo dimenticare le ragazze, e ho bisogno di lavorare. Voglio trovare l'amore. Il mio cuore è finalmente guarita. Il mio cuore fa male adesso, perché non è amato e tanto tempo. Voglio amare di nuovo. Macao sarà una bella città. I incontrerà molte persone, portare tanti sorrisi, aiutare molte persone. Voglio insegnare il Vangelo. Voglio di battezzare le persone. Voglio preparare ad essere un grande marito.